As you can see from the pictures below, I recently received an ‘Important Delivery Letter’ with an ‘Official Notice’ in the mail.
I am a skeptical person and always suspect that there is more to the story when I see something like this.
There is, however, that little nagging doubt in the back of my mind that keeps reminding me that there is a small chance that just maybe I got lucky this time and won $2,100,000. I could not specifically remember entering any contests like this, and that should have prompted me to pay a little more attention than I did.
I did however, remember entering a few sweepstakes online a while back and I wondered if this could be related. Now that I have thought about it a little more, I realize I entered those contests online at least 2 years ago and perhaps even more. That makes it very unlikely that this ‘Official Notice’ could be related.
I’m always encouraging people to read the fine print, although there are times when I fail to act on my own advice. This was one of those times.
It’s not hard for the imagination to run a little wild and conjure up some notions that don’t stand up too well in retrospect. There’s no question that this mailing was carefully designed to make the recipient think they have won 2 million dollars. That’s the hook that gets you dialing the phone, and I must admit, with the ‘Do Not Call’ list and its effect on telemarketing, it’s a darn clever little ploy!
Take a look at the mailing. They are trying to create a sense of urgency with the pink coloring which stands out from all the other mail. And it is fashioned to look like some type of ‘official’ notice. If I am not mistaken, they even mimic the color and style of a FedEx overnight envelope to make it appear even more important.
On the inside, it’s the old ‘We have been trying to reach you’ ploy. Well, gee, if all you wanted was for me to enter this fabulous contest, you could have sent me an entry form on the mail. Oh yeah, that would likely be thrown in the trash and since you can’t call me (I am on the ‘Do Not Call List’), what better way to get me to call you and hook me up with one of your sleazy sales minions?
The woman who answered sure seemed nice enough. She said her name was ‘Anne’ and since she did not take the time to spell it for me, I cannot be sure if it ended with an ‘e’ or not. She had far more important things to talk about and a very well-written script to guide her.
At first she just acted as if she wanted to confirm my sweepstakes entry. Thinking it was something I had already entered, I thought this was normal procedure and she wanted to confirm my address before sharing the good news with me!
She was unusually friendly and apparently the training provided by whatever sleazebag marketing corporation she’s employed by directed her to engage in a little small talk. She asked about the area I live and she told me she was originally from Maine and then had lived in the Boston area for a while. Then she asked about the weather. It really was a lot more small talk than I would expect from a call like this and I was actually beginning to wonder what the point of the call was. Although the little skeptic in me suspected from the start.
As I was beginning to think about asking her the point of our conversation, she dropped the bomb on me. Sure enough, the purpose behind this low-down trick was to sign me up with some typical-sounding no-risk 90-day magazine subscription deal. Her mile-a-minute spiel made me wonder if she had somehow connected me to a pre-recorded sales pitch.
It was of course, delivered at tongue-tiring speed in order to help prevent the potential customer from getting a word in without exceeding the boundaries of polite conversation.
Usually I can shake these telephone shysters off the line quickly once I am wise to their ploy. I guess even most telemarketing types are not quite as determined as ‘Anne’ was. I’m always polite with these people ‘ to a point. ‘Anne’ quickly reached that point after my second attempt to convince her that I was not going to be taking the bait and even explained that I thought their marketing tactics were a bit on the sleazy side.
‘Anne’ of course, would take no responsibility for the marketing tactics and chose to play dumb instead. When I told her a third time that I would not be going for the deal, her response was ‘Why, don’t you like magazines’?
There is a certain point I get to when presented with this particular set of circumstances. I have heard it referred to as ‘blowing a fuse’ a number of times in the past and that would surely be an apt appraisal of the events that followed.
I heard my self say, in a rather loud voice ‘I’ve talked to you long enough. Bye!’ and abruptly slammed down the phone. Yes, it was a ‘real’ phone so at least I was able to properly vent my frustration instead of being left with a little squishy rubber button and a subdued, bird-like ‘beep’ to end such a conversation.
Once again, like a thousand times before, the little skeptic inside me was doing the victory dance on the little optimist’s face. I don’t know how that little guy can even draw a breath after all the beatings he has endured through the years.
If I had taken the time to read the fine print on the back of this mailing, my little optimist would have been spared the beating this time. It is quite clear that this is simply an invitation to enter the sweepstakes and nothing at all to do with any kind of notification that you have won something.
Although I do have to wonder now if I have even been entered in the sweepstakes. I suspect ‘Anne’ may have simply tapped the ‘DELETE’ key after I responded the way I did to her conniving sales pitch. I figure my chances of winning are pretty much non-existent anyway.
What do you expect? The little optimist is still unconscious from his beating.
If you happen to see one of these cute little mailings show up on your mailbox, my advice would be to toss it in the trash and spare yourself the pushy salesperson waiting on the other end of the line at 888-333-6247.
One thing that these people don’t seem to think about is the effect they are having on sales and marketing in general. I don’t know about you but when someone tries a sneaky ploy like that on me, I get a bit ticked off. That’s going to make me a thousand times more skeptical and probably a lot less pleasant to talk to on the phone if I ever do get suckered into another ploy like this, and that will make it a lot harder for the next marketer to sell me something.
I have always reserved a special deluxe brand of disdain for pushy salespeople and my friend ‘Anne’ from N.M.E. at 16120 U.S. 19 North, Clearwater, FL 33764 was certainly no exception. And by the way, why do all these sleaze bags seem to be in Florida?
I don’t want to forget ‘Pat Haines’ whose name appeared as the author of this mailing. I just want her name to be included here in the text of this post so the search engines can find it in case anyone might be searching for a little information about this mailing before making the call.
Most people are polite and courteous. Well, these days maybe I should just say ‘a lot’ of people. Anyway, many of us were brought up to be polite and nice to other people. It was ingrained in us from childhood. That’s what these weasels are counting on. They talk nice to you, throw in some small talk to make it personal, use your first name a lot and then hit you with the sales pitch.
Maybe I’m different in the sense that this kind of deception ticks me off. Maybe most people sacrifice the 10 minutes it must take to get an ignoramus like ‘Anne’ off the phone without losing their cool. Or maybe most people take the bait and order up the ‘no-risk free trial’ of whatever it is they are trying to get you signed up for. I wish I knew.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot! They were offering a ‘diamond watch’ (men’s or ladies no less!) as a gift for trying out their little offering. Whatever it is, they really want people signed up for it. That just tells me (and the smug little skeptical guy inside me) that you must have to jump through a lot of hoops or at least perform some kind of Voodoo ritual and kill a few farm animals to get yourself out of whatever kind of deal this is after you are signed up.
Be on the lookout for this ‘pink nightmare’ (fans of ‘A Christmas Story” will understand) in your mail. I suspect they have sent out millions of these things. Spare your dialing finger and trash it. That is unless you really enjoy pushy sales pitches.
Update: Apparently these scumbags from N.M.E. (National Magazine Exchange) are an even worse bunch than I imagined. Perhaps I would have found that out had I given “Anne” more time to twist my arm. To read more about these maggots, check this site.
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